You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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