My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just had sex on a roof
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
