When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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