"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
