I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
