so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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