I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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