Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
