I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
