guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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