Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And then my night got REAL pukey
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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