Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize