Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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