I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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