That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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