How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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