I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
