He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
