i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want to be your penis for a week.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
