is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
