you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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