That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
