just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
