so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Operation Purity has been aborted
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
