areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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