We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
