When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
