True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize
