oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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