She's JV to your varsity
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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