Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
