did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My feet surprised me
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