i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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