sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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