dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
