Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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