He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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