I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
