Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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