apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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