Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize