At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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