Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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