Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The adults are the big ones right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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