bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
