My boss' voice literally gives me gas
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize