If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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