Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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