Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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