No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
