I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
