Dual....:-)
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
