she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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