just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
