My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
