I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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