Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize