he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
