I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
