So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It's never too late to be topless.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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