trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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