my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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