I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
did you just send me my own nude
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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