My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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