Taylor Swift is so right about you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
