I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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